WHERE D'YA PUT YER WILLY?

WHERE D'YA PUT YER WILLY? 

JEFF KRISTIAN BOOK / 11th july 2012 / Paperback, KINDLE, eBook / MR BINKS MEDIA

Jeff's debut novel is a mad cap, frantic tale of initiation into the world of London drag and the Essex Mafia. First published in 2012 by Bright Pen. The book has an original soundtrack and is full of brand new songs written and produced by Jeff, soon to be released as an album to accompany the story. 

In 2012 Jeff was invited to read from his book for Paul Burston's Polari Salon at London's Southbank Centre and an excerpt from the book was published in Theatre & Perform Magazine issue seven. Also that year, Jeff planted a tree to contribute towards the re-growth of paper used for his book's first edition print run. 

JEFF KRISTIAN BOOK / 7TH JUNE 2015 / Paperback, KINDLE, eBook / MR BINKS MEDIA

The second edition of the book was published with a new cover design by Mr Binks Media in 2015. The first of a two-part saga, the book's sequel Where's Yer Willy Now? was published July 2019. 

In 2010, a pilot for a radio play series of the story was created by Stand Well Back Media, directed by Sunny Ormonde and Colin Savage. Originally planned for broadcast on Gaydar Radio, the series of eight episodes was never completed or broadcast. Jeff wrote the script and produced the music. Adrian Grove (Saturday Night Fever) played Michael, Sunny Ormonde (The Archers) played Madame Fifi, Russell Bright (The Palace) played Connie and Dermot Canavan (Hairspray, Fiddler On The Roof) played Chastity. The characters Billy-No-Nut and Lettie Von Schabernacket were both played by Jeff. A newly recorded instrumental version of Jeff's 1989 single Nutz was used as the show's theme tune. 

Written by Jeff Kristian. Edited by Robert Ingham. Published by Mr Binks Media.

VIDEO

WHERE D'YA PUT YER WILLY?

RADIO SERIES INVESTMENT PITCH / 2010

A short 2010 video for the Stand Well Back Productions website to pitch for investment in the radio series of Jeff's book, Where D'Ya Put Yer Willy? Jeff speaks to camera from an aeroplane, mid-flight.

Written by Jeff Kristian. Directed by Colin Savage. Produced by Stand Well Back. © 2010 / ALL RIGHTS RESERVED / STAND WELL BACK.

PRESS

Jeff Kristian Radio Interview / 28th January 2019 

Jeff was interview by Heather Markham aka Mama Creepy for her blog radio show Mama Creepy's Corner, about his career and his book Where D'Ya Put Yer Willy? 

"The book was first published in 2012 and since then the Ru Paul phenomenon has really come into its own both in the States and here, in fact they're talking about doing a British one. Which is going to be interesting to see because I think British drag is quite different from American drag. However, the younger generation that have come up underneath us all in this country are very Ru Paul oriented, so in a funny kind of way the book is probably more appropriate now than it was when first published.” 

 

Jeff Kristian Magazine Interview / 4th March 2014 

Teh Aik Hui, better know under the pseudonym Egg, interviewed Jeff about his life and career for Time Out Magazine. 

"I think the question I probably get asked the most is: Where d'ya put yer willy?” Kristian grins wryly. It’s something he has to deal with whenever he gets into costume. “Sometimes you get ignorant blokes that come up and ask me: Why do you want to do this? and I go: Well, it’s five-hundred pounds an hour.” 

 

Jeff Kristian Magazine Interview / 28th February 2013 

Stephen Vowles interviewed Jeff for GAT Magazine, where he talked about his book Where D'Ya Put Yer Willy? 

"The response has been phenomenal. I'm so grateful and humbled, thank you everyone! A film offer fell through when they went bankrupt, but yesterday I received a contract to take it to telly. It's very early days, but all frightfully exciting. I'm dripping like a broken fridge, here!" 

Jeff Kristian Radio Interview / 12th November 2012 

Media mogul Xander Gibb interviewed Jeff for his radio show XRad, asking Jeff about his book Where D'Ya Put Yer Willy? 

"I originally began writing the story as scripts to create a vehicle for me to work on in perhaps radio, film or telly. But I realised quite early on that I could create much more detail in a book. How I saw the locations, the character's thoughts and feelings, and such. In a script, you have to leave space for other people's creative input, which is fine, but I figured that an actor or director could read the book and arrive on set better prepared, thus creating an end result closer to what I originally had in mind." 

 

Jeff Kristian Magazine Interview / 8th October 2012 

Stacy Novak interviewed Jeff for issue 42 of Transliving Magazine, where he speaks about his debut novel Where D'Ya Put Yer Willy? 

"It's something that's been in my head to do for a long time, getting down on paper some of the things that I've experienced. But the story has evolved and grown over the years into much more that I'd originally had in mind. We recorded a pilot for radio and it had a movie offer on the table for a while." 

 

Jeff Kristian Radio Interview / 4th August 2012 

Drag performer and broadcaster Miss Jason interviewed Jeff at his studio in Brighton about his debut novel Where D'Ya Put Yer Willy? 

"I think it's about time somebody wrote about the UK drag scene, don't you? Someone who's actually lived it? But it's been a long haul and quite a big learning curve for me. I've written articles for magazines before, and some songs, but writing a book is a bit like a marathon that you're running on your own; I found it difficult to be pulled along in the wake of my own motivation.” 

Jeff Kristian Magazine Interview / 27th July 2012 

Robert Ingham of Pinkwire Magazine interviewed Jeff about his book Where D'Ya Put Yer Willy? 

"In 2007, I wrote it as a TV script. I never intended it to be a book first of all, so the way I wrote it originally was a bit more autobiographical than it is now. It got picked up by a production company who said it should go on radio first because that’s what unknown writers do. We recorded a pilot for the show, which didn’t get picked up. When I did the book, I worked it from the original radio scripts and I could hear the actors in my head, which helped a lot. All these writers were saying it’s a lonely career and I couldn’t understand what they were saying, but when I set to write the book it was like being cocooned. What I found most difficult was remembering what I had already written. I enjoyed doing it, enjoyed finishing it and I feel proud that I’ve actually done it and it’s been published. It’s been nice to say OK there it is. I’m moving on and gearing up for the next book now.” 

 

Jeff Kristian Magazine Interview / 14th June 2012 

Jason Reid of QX Magazine interviewed Jeff  in a feature called Big Brother's Drag Delight, about his book Where D'Ya Put Yer Willy? 

"There were so many stories to tell and the British drag scene has not really been written about in this way before. It was originally commissioned for radio, but there’s now a film offer on the table. Very exciting times. Writing it has been a bit like being in therapy. Many events and people in the story are from my life, both in drag and before. It says a lot about my experiences and the way I reacted at the time. Anyone you recognise?"